T: Amazing Husband ST: Three-year-old Wonder Prof. G: Advisor I Prof. C: Advisor II Julie: Stylish Sister Rob: Awesome Brother Belle: Our Cat Bill: Grumbling BIL Rita: Uncomplicated SIL SMU: Smallish Midwestern University Doctoral University: where I got my Ph.D.
Drop Me A Line
academeblog AT gmail.com
Quote of the Day
Friday, March 24, 2006
What Is the Problem Here?
Clean house. Clean sink, even. Laundry was done last night. Supper plans are ready, as are lunch plans for tomorrow. Pantry is stocked. Office is immaculate. Necessary research materials have been read and reread. Computer was defragmented and is running smoothly. Usual blogs have been read, some commented on. Weather is dreary. House is quiet and smells vaguely of last night's cupcakes.
I cannot write, despite the fact that my usual distractions have been eliminated. I HATE days like this, when I sit in front of my computer, research materials next to me, perfectly organized, and I still can't seem to eke out a paragraph. I think I've written 300 words today -- not good, when I NEED this chapter to be out of my hands by next Tuesday. It's 20 pages so far (after lots of tinkering and deleting), with many, many left to go.
I think part of the problem is that I know where this chapter is heading, and I feel like it's already written in my head. I also know that the next section I have to write is a big and complicated one, followed by a substantially easier and more interesting one. I think part of me is reluctant to start writing it because I know that once I start, I'll have a long slog until the end and that sounds completely horrible to me right now.
I always imagined when I reached this point in the dissertation, just one more case study after this and a conclusion away from finishing, that I'd want to race to the end. I imagined that once I could clearly see the finish line, I'd want to sprint to get there. Don't get me wrong: I want this over, and soon. But why am I holding myself back like this? Why have these past two days -- indeed, this entire week -- been so unproductive? Being sick can account for the first few days, and Wednesday I had ST all day, but I have no excuses for yesterday or today. This is pathetic.
Guess that means a long night after ST goes to bed. Of course, I said that last night and couldn't bear to face the computer then, either. I am praying for inspiration.