T: Amazing Husband ST: Three-year-old Wonder Prof. G: Advisor I Prof. C: Advisor II Julie: Stylish Sister Rob: Awesome Brother Belle: Our Cat Bill: Grumbling BIL Rita: Uncomplicated SIL SMU: Smallish Midwestern University Doctoral University: where I got my Ph.D.
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Monday, February 06, 2006
Refreshed? Yes. Panicked? Yes.
T and I returned from a lovely weekend in New Town last night, just in time for T to watch the SuperBowl with my Dad. We had a great trip -- it was only about a five hour drive from where we live now (we initially thought it would take us at least six hours to get to New Town from here, but were pleasantly surprised) and the area was more beautiful than we remembered it. The last time we were in New Town was over three years ago, when we drove through to visit a friend on our way somewhere else. On this trip, we focused on really trying to narrow down the areas we'd like to live in, and we did that. We have about half a dozen neighborhoods that are very attractive to us and have homes we could afford. We got addresses of homes for sale and are now emailing realtors for more information on them. We have a good feel for the place.
Aside from house-shopping, T and I also had a lot of time to talk and hang out together, which was heavenly. We ate at nice restaurants, had a glass of wine, shopped at Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma in peace, and even saw a movie. (We never go to movies -- we just don't think of it. But on Friday night we saw Munich, which we both thoroughly enjoyed.) It was nice to see my husband step out of his Dad-role for a few days, and for us to be a couple enjoying a few moments alone. It was nice to eat slowly and have uninterrupted conversations. We missed ST, but that was a nice feeling, too -- it was nice to think of him because we wanted to, not because we had to.
My parents, of course, had a blast with ST. They went shopping, visited the children's museum for FOUR HOURS on Friday afternoon, visited the fire station, went out to breakfast every morning... needless to say, ST was not impressed when I made him his toast and cereal this morning and scurried him off to daycare. And he was not pleased to see Grandma and Grandpa leave, knowing that we wouldn't see them again for awhile. I was sad to see them go, too -- the next time we see them will probably be this summer, when they help us move out of this house.
Now I am sitting here at my computer with a long list of things to do this week, first and foremost of which is to polish off this doggone chapter and get it to my advisors. Quite honestly, I'm really getting worried about this dissertation -- I'm worried that I'm not going to finish in time, worried that it's total crap, worried that my advisors are going to hate what I've been doing, etc. In my deepest self, I know that these fears are unfounded. I know that I will finish, I know that it's interesting work (just had someone request a copy of one of my draft chapters that I presented at our annual meeting last September!), and I know that my ultra-perfectionist advisors will rip it to shreds in order to make it better. But unlike my dear pal Mon the Southern Superstar who is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and unlike my other dear pal ABD Me the Dissertating Diva who amazingly finished a draft of the dissertation last week, I am feeling... well, unmotivated and slow. I am feeling panicked. I am feeling claustrophobic about this entire project, like I'm never going to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I know the light is there, but despite my nearness to it, I cannot see even a glimmer.