The dissertation was only the beginning.

People & Places
T: Amazing Husband
ST: Three-year-old Wonder
Prof. G: Advisor I
Prof. C: Advisor II
Julie: Stylish Sister
Rob: Awesome Brother
Belle: Our Cat
Bill: Grumbling BIL
Rita: Uncomplicated SIL
SMU: Smallish Midwestern University
Doctoral University: where I got my Ph.D.
Blogwise - blog directory
Drop Me A Line
academeblog AT
Quote of the Day
Monday, February 06, 2006
Refreshed? Yes. Panicked? Yes.
T and I returned from a lovely weekend in New Town last night, just in time for T to watch the SuperBowl with my Dad. We had a great trip -- it was only about a five hour drive from where we live now (we initially thought it would take us at least six hours to get to New Town from here, but were pleasantly surprised) and the area was more beautiful than we remembered it. The last time we were in New Town was over three years ago, when we drove through to visit a friend on our way somewhere else. On this trip, we focused on really trying to narrow down the areas we'd like to live in, and we did that. We have about half a dozen neighborhoods that are very attractive to us and have homes we could afford. We got addresses of homes for sale and are now emailing realtors for more information on them. We have a good feel for the place.

Aside from house-shopping, T and I also had a lot of time to talk and hang out together, which was heavenly. We ate at nice restaurants, had a glass of wine, shopped at Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma in peace, and even saw a movie. (We never go to movies -- we just don't think of it. But on Friday night we saw Munich, which we both thoroughly enjoyed.) It was nice to see my husband step out of his Dad-role for a few days, and for us to be a couple enjoying a few moments alone. It was nice to eat slowly and have uninterrupted conversations. We missed ST, but that was a nice feeling, too -- it was nice to think of him because we wanted to, not because we had to.

My parents, of course, had a blast with ST. They went shopping, visited the children's museum for FOUR HOURS on Friday afternoon, visited the fire station, went out to breakfast every morning... needless to say, ST was not impressed when I made him his toast and cereal this morning and scurried him off to daycare. And he was not pleased to see Grandma and Grandpa leave, knowing that we wouldn't see them again for awhile. I was sad to see them go, too -- the next time we see them will probably be this summer, when they help us move out of this house.

Now I am sitting here at my computer with a long list of things to do this week, first and foremost of which is to polish off this doggone chapter and get it to my advisors. Quite honestly, I'm really getting worried about this dissertation -- I'm worried that I'm not going to finish in time, worried that it's total crap, worried that my advisors are going to hate what I've been doing, etc. In my deepest self, I know that these fears are unfounded. I know that I will finish, I know that it's interesting work (just had someone request a copy of one of my draft chapters that I presented at our annual meeting last September!), and I know that my ultra-perfectionist advisors will rip it to shreds in order to make it better. But unlike my dear pal Mon the Southern Superstar who is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and unlike my other dear pal ABD Me the Dissertating Diva who amazingly finished a draft of the dissertation last week, I am feeling... well, unmotivated and slow. I am feeling panicked. I am feeling claustrophobic about this entire project, like I'm never going to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I know the light is there, but despite my nearness to it, I cannot see even a glimmer.
Posted with care by Prof. Me @ 2/06/2006 10:00:00 AM  
8 Words of Wisdom:
  • At 11:01 AM, Blogger ArticulateDad said…

    Stop thinking about now for a little while. You just spent a wonderful weekend with the partner you love, in the new town where you'll likely spend a good long time. Take some time to dream, to think about where you want to see yourself in five (or seven!) years. Just dream a bit, write lists or descriptions. Then put them away in your mind, or your documents folder, or a shoe box. Take a deep breath. Then just do it... one step at a time.... Step One: [breath]... finish the diss. Now isn't that better? :)

  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger BrightStar said…

    The weird thing about dissertating? It feels constantly not-done, not-done, not-done, oh-my-god-why-am-I-not-done, and then... one day? You start to feel done. You have been consistently working, you still have plenty of time, you are smart and have good ideas, and you will finish, page by page, sentence by sentence. You can do it!

  • At 12:09 PM, Blogger Dr. Mon said…

    I agree. Part of the reason I am seeing the light right now is because I have just taken some time to slow down and look. I won't finish when I wanted to but guess what?! I WILL FINISH SOON. And so will you hon.

    I am glad you had a good weekend with T. Focus on that good energy for a bit and just breathe. You are doing great work and you will finish soon. No worries ;)

  • At 12:43 PM, Blogger trillwing said…

    Aside from the fact that no one has asked to use any draft of mine, I could have written that final paragraph. I think we've all been there, and I suspect those who have finished have felt this way at many points. I don't know about you, but I'm cheered by B*'s comments here.

    Keep your chin up and your fingers to the keyboard!

  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger phd me said…

    Oh, I know exactly how you feel! Honestly, when I was working on my last two chapters, I had to go outside and walk around two or three times a day so I wouldn't hyperventilate about how much I had to do and how I was never going to get it done. The light is there, I promise, but right now, you have all sorts of things blocking it. Just keep slogging - 'cause it really is a slog - and suddenly, like B* said, there you'll be!

    And for smiles, I went to see Munich Friday, too. See? We're so much alike, you have to finish!

  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger Lilian said…

    Oh boy (or maybe boys, since I have 2 :) I totally know how you feel, though I'm just quite a bit "worse off"... No job to look forward to, advisor and committee an impossible 7 hour drive away, only 1 chapter and two thirds of the second chapter almost ready (still in need of revision...) and rough drafts of other chapters...

    OK I'll stop here (I was hoping you'd feel better in comparison, but thinking about all this just makes me feel much worse...). I hope I can do it, since I owe it to my parents who are coming all the way from Brazil to help me out for 4 months or more (for the third time).

  • At 8:35 PM, Blogger Prof. Me said…

    Thank you all for your kind comments. And Lilian... wow. I know how difficult it is to get this thing done with one little boy running around -- I cannot imagine trying to do it with two. You are amazing!

    Brightstar, your comment really makes sense to me. Someday soon, this thing will get done. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But before the summer, and that's not too far away.

    Ah, how I long for August!

  • At 4:23 PM, Blogger BrightStar said…

    I'm glad comment was helpful. I promise you that is how it feels, even though it's hard to remember when you're in the middle of the "not done" phase. You WILL get the to the point where you feel like, "huh. I have an entire dissertation here... holy crap! Am I almost done? I AM!!!" You will definitely get there before the summer.

    (I remember that one of my professors told me about this not-done, not-done, Done! thing and I totally didn't believe it until when I had the Done! moment... the moment that I never thought would happen. And I've asked others, and they had similar moments / experiences.)

Post a Comment
<< Home
Post History
Favorite Web Destinations
Template by

Free Blogger Templates